


Capri Sun

by coconutknightshade



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Banter, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Humor, Iron Family, Irondad, Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Precious Peter Parker, Pregnant Pepper Potts, SpiceMom, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tumblr Prompt, no beta we die like men, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 06:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19969615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutknightshade/pseuds/coconutknightshade
Summary: The one in which Peter is riding the elevator with Tony and Pepper when he notices a fourth heartbeat and honestly he can't believe Pepper and Tony haven't told him yet that they're having a baby. In the end it's Peter that tells them they're having a baby.





	1. The Fourth Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this crack!fic as much as I enjoyed writing (and laughing) my way through it!  
> Also a guest mention-appearance of 2012!Clint because that was the fandom Clint we all knew and loved

“Everyone is so absorbed with their phones these days,” Peter sighs dramatically. “Nobody lives in the moment. Back in my day we didn’t have electricity. We pushed each other in the dirt for entertainment.”  
  
Tony snorts but finally looks up from his phone. “You kids these days have it so easy,” he adds. “When I was a kid, I had to walk 47 miles in the snow to get to school.”   
  
Pepper laughs. “None of you kids have any work ethic. I used to work four jobs, 30 hours a day. None of you know what hard labor is.”  
  
“Pepper, you do actually somehow manage to work 30 hours a day,” Tony deadpans. The redhead doesn’t look up from her StarkPad but she does smirk.   
  
“We can’t both be the trophy spouse, Tony." 

Peter whistles low. "I’d say she really got you with that one but-”  
  
“Not with that attitude we can’t,” Tony mutters petulantly.  
  
Things fall back into a companionable silence as the three of them step into the elevator. Tony pulls his phone back out and Peter drops his head back against the wall of the elevator. His phone is dead, otherwise he too would have it out.   
  
Instead he closes his eyes and lets the silence wash over him. Except nothing is ever truly silent around Peter. He can hear the mechanics of the elevator whirring beneath his feet. The sound the panel makes as they pass by each floor. There’s a fly somewhere off in the right corner that fades into something of a white noise. He can hear Pepper’s slow and steady heart rate and it relaxes him just a bit more. Tony’s is there in the background, the beats falling between Pepper’s own. It beats a little faster, however, and Peter frowns. High blood pressure. The additional heartbeat is soft, nearly undetectable and-  
  
Peter’s eyes shoot open. The fourth heart beat. The _fourth_. He tilts his head in confusion. It’s faint but it’s definitely there.   
  
“Oh wow,” Peter says in surprise, expression one of thinly veiled shock before he’s downright beaming. “Congratulations on the baby! If I weren’t so excited I would be offended that you haven’t _actually_ told me about it yet!” He’s dancing on the balls of his feet, not really taking in the way Tony and Pepper are looking at him. Pepper looks confused and Tony looks horrified.   
  
“Kid,” Tony says slowly, “what the fuck are you talking about?”   
  
“The heartbeat- There’s another heartbeat.” His brows are furrowed, face scrunched in confusion as he hesitantly glances between the two, almost doubting himself. “You two are having a baby, right?”  
  
Pepper laughs, almost nervous. “That’s cute, Peter. You really had me there for a second.”   
  
“But I’m not jok-”  
  
“Who put you up to it?” Tony looks amused. “Was is Sam? Wait no, don’t tell me- It was Clint, wasn’t it? Couldn’t catch me off guard in the vents so now he’s trying a new approach. Well joke’s on him if he thinks it’s that easy.” He’s pulling his phone out to text the archer but Peter snatches it from his hand, demanding both their attention.   
  
“I’m not joking and I’m not crazy. There’s a fourth heartbeat. I mean I’m not a doctor but I do have enhanced hearing, so.” He drags the word out, eyebrows raised pointedly before shifting into something of pure unadulterated glee. “I hope it’s a boy. I mean, even if it’s a girl that would be amazing obviously! I’m so excited- This is so _exciting_. Mister Stark we could make a high tech crib! A high tech _high_ chair!” He nearly gasps at his own idea. “Stark Industries could break into high tech baby thingies and make a _killing_.”   
  
“I’m already making a killing, Pete.” His voice is quiet, exasperated and almost fond.   
  
But Peter doesn’t hear him. He’s already rambling on and on, effervescent in this new revelation. Tony and Pepper are staring at each other with mirroring expressions of surprise and uncertainty.   
  
“Are we really going to take the kids word for it?” He sounds uncertain, but there’s something underneath it. Something Pepper can’t quite make out. She finally shrugs, almost bashful.   
  
“It’s news to me, but I can’t say I’d be disappointed.” Tony’s expression softens and he steps into Pepper’s space, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead.   
  
“I’m just going to blunt here, Pep. This is kind of terrifying. I’m not sure that I’m prepared for this.”  
  
“Tony,” she says with a patient smile. “Preparation wouldn’t make it any less terrifying.”  
  
“We _are_ a power couple…” Tony’s muses. “Of course it only makes sense that we would be power _parents_ also.”  
  
"Well, you kind of already are a power parent, aren’t you?” They both turn towards the kid. He’s still rambling, listing things off on each finger, gesticulating wildly. Tony snorts. He’s pretty sure Peter hasn’t paused to take a breath since he started.  
  
“Thankfully we get to send this one back home to May every day.” Pepper laughs when Peter cuts himself off mid sentence, narrowing his eyes at Tony. He’d only caught the very end of that conversation and quite frankly-  
  
“Okay, well that was _rude_. But I’m really high-key freaking out with excitement over here and you’re about to be a _dad_ and oh man I can’t wait to make dad jokes at you- Anyways, yeah, that was rude but I’m going to let it go this time. You’re welcome.” Tony raises an eyebrow and looks over to Pepper as if to say _can you believe this kid_. Pepper has to bring a hand up to cover her amusement.   
  
“How very kind of you,” he replies dryly. “A merciful King.”   
  
Peter lifts his chin theatrically and nods in agreement. “Heavy is the head, and all that jazz.”  
  
“You don’t remember the rest of the quote,” Tony deadpans. “Didn’t we _just_ study that Monday night for your quiz?”  
  
“No,” Peter scowls. Tony shoots him a knowing smirk, finally gaining the upper hand once more.   
  
“ _As I was saying_ ,” Peter cuts in pointedly, even though neither Pepper or Tony know what the kid had actually been saying.  
  
“My middle name is Benjamin and you know, I really think it’s making a come back. Just caught it in Forbes last week. Mhmm. Very socialite these days. I mean think of all the great Benjamin’s out there- Benjamin Franklin…Uhh.” Peter is already at a complete loss. Only for a moment. "Oh! Ben Stiller, Ben Affleck, Benjamin _Button_. You really can’t go wrong here.”   
  
“And if it’s a girl?” Pepper is enjoying this way too much. Peter scoffs as if the answer is obvious.   
  
“Penelope. Penny for short. _See?_ That’s one task I’ve already taken care of.”   
  
The elevator doors finally open and Peter gently pushes Pepper out. “Go, you need rest. I’m already texting Happy.”  
  
“Pete, your phone is dead.” Tony goes to take a step forward but stumbles when Peter fists a hand in the billionaires suit and pulls him back onto the elevator. 

“ _I know what I said!_ Now go, you need rest, shoo.” He motions with his free hand for her to move along. “Go have an avocado smoothie or something healthy. Whatever pregnant ladies need to do. Yoga or hot baths. I don’t know, I’ll Google it later.”  
  
The doors are closing, Pepper is laughing, and Tony is trying to break free of Peter’s grasp.   
  
“Kid, what are you doing right now?”   
  
“I’m making sure you can’t distract Pepper. You stress her out.” Tony looks offended but when Peter gives him _a look_ he begrudgingly relents.  
  
“I’m well behaved,” he pouts. Peter pats his shoulder sympathetically.   
  
“Of course you are. Let’s go, I’m going to buy you a congratulatory chocolate shake.”  
  
“Peter, I think I can buy my own shake.”  
  
“Well, I’d buy you a _drink_ , but we have that ridiculous drinking age… _Ridiculous_.” Tony wraps an arm around Peter’s shoulder.   
  
“It’s okay, kid. It’s the thought that counts. C'mon. I’ll buy you a Capri Sun.”   
  
_“I’lL bUy YoU a CaPrI sUn,”_ Peter repeats in a mocking voice, petulant. Tony is nearly grinning as he stares up at the numbers above the door as they descend further and further. He’s waiting for what he knows will come. Then, finally, a quiet, “I want three of them.”   
  
And there it is.   
  
Tony smirks. He can do this whole parent thing. After all, Pepper is right. He does already have one kid. Tony ruffles Peter’s hair obnoxiously, laughing outright as the kid groans and shoves him away.   
  
_Yeah,_ Tony thinks, _I’ve totally got this._


	2. Chess Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tilts his head, blinking rapidly with eyebrows raised expectantly. “Pepper Potts. Are those Oreos? In the middle of the night?”
> 
> To her credit, Pepper's expression never wavers and neither does her gaze as she slowly lowers the Oreo into the glass of milk before bringing it up to eat. Around a mouthful of cookie she gives a defiant, “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, fam!  
> This wasn't initially meant to be more than a one-shot but inspiration struck this morning when I woke up so here we are! 
> 
> I think at this rate I may leave it as in progress just in case something else strikes me! 
> 
> Enjoy!

They all think they're so clever. So _sneaky_ . A false sense of security, of course. It's nearly laughable how everyone seems to forget that Peter Parker isn't a typical teenage boy. And while he has nearly mastered tuning in and out of his environment at will, the rustling sounds down the hall at nearly 3AM definitely does _not_ slip by him. In fact, he's out the door and in the hallway before he even has time to assess the situation.

Making his way down the hall, Peter hears the _snick_ of the refrigerator door being opened. He hears the gentle scrape off friction as something is drug off the shelf. He unfortunately hears that awful sound the cabinet under the sink makes when opened- Nearly piercing as the hinge creaks in an ungodly way. Tony was supposed to have taken care of that but, well. It's Tony. ‘Nuff said. 

Peter decides to give it ten seconds. He wants to catch the offender red-handed. 

A valiant effort. 

Too ambitious. 

Too impatient.

Peter gives it three seconds. 

He rounds the corner, flicks the light on, and narrows his eyes at Pepper who freezes, Oreo in hand, when she spots him.

Peter tilts his head, blinking rapidly with eyebrows raised expectantly. “ Pepper Potts. Are those Oreos? In the _middle of the night?”_

To her credit, Pepper's expression never wavers and neither does her gaze as she slowly lowers the Oreo into her glass of milk before bringing it up to eat. Around a mouthful of cookie she gives a defiant, “No.”

Peter crosses his arms across his chest and shoots her an unimpressed look. “There are perfectly healthy snacks in the fridge.”

“Those are day snacks,” Pepper defends as she eats another Oreo. “The night is for sinners.”

“Does Tony know?”

“Tony doesn't need to know everything, Peter.” The kid dramatically sucks in a breath, bringing a hand up to splay over his heart.

“How could you keep this secret from him? Does he know you're sneaking around at night? He would be devastated.” 

Pepper rolls her eyes, eating another Oreo before turning away from him in order to snag the peanut butter jar from the counter behind her. 

“How indeed,” Pepper muses, dipping _another_ Oreo deep into the peanut butter jar. Peter scrunches his face up, mildly horrified and quietly says, _“Well that's yours now.”_ Pepper doesn't deign to respond. Instead adding, “Two can keep a secret if one of us is dead.”

“I knew it!” Peter hisses, shoulders relaxing as he knee-jerk reaction points at her. “I _did_ catch you watching trash ABC shows the other day! You thought I wouldn't notice, but I did.”

“Iconic,” Pepper says dryly. Digging another Oreo into the peanut butter, showing no signs of slowing down her snacking. Crumbs are collecting on the swell of her abdomen like some sort of plate. “I saw you walk in Peter. You're not Sherlock Holmes. You caught all of ten seconds of what I was watching and immediately knew that it was Pretty Little Liars. You can leave your accusations and judgements at the door.” She throws Peter an Oreo and he catches it with ease before twisting it apart and licking the frosting off first. The only _correct_ way to eat an Oreo. Pepper is a heathen, eating it whole. Peter's tried to bring her to Jesus on the issue a hundred times but ultimately has accepted that she's a lost cause.

“So,” she continues. “Who do you think is A? I think it's Spencer. She's definitely the smartest of the group and kind of sketchy, don't you think?”

Peter rolls his eyes and steps further into the kitchen. “Okay, well first of all, you're about sixty years too late. Everyone already knows that A is actua-’

“Peter Parker, if you spoil this for me I swear to God I'll spoil the last episode of Game of Thrones. Yeah,” she says with a smug grin, head nodding mischievously. “I know you haven't seen it yet. Try me, Parker."

“You are a dark and evil woman, Pepper Potts.” He shakes his head sadly. Pepper plucks another Oreo out of the bag and pops it into her mouth as she shoots Peter a playful wink. 

“Thanks, sweetheart.”

“It wasn't a compliment,” he grumbles petulantly, crossing his arms back over his chest as he steps further into the kitchen. Pepper reaches out and grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt and drags him closer to tuck against her side. 

“I think it's my decision on how to take it, but okay Peter.” The kid snorts and Pepper hands him an Oreo. “Here, have another cookie.”

“I won't be drawn into your den of sin.” He lifts his nose, turns his head away from the cookie with a sense of theatrical righteousness. Pepper smirks, knows the kid is _definitely_ tempted after having already eaten the one she'd offered earlier. “I won't be an accessory to this crime.”

“More for me,” she says with a grin before stepping away to get a better look at the kid. She raises a quizzical eyebrow as she slowly eats _yet another_ Oreo. She's nearly done with the bag. “Were you this dramatic before you met Tony? Or is this a recent development? I definitely see his attitude in you. Gotta be rubbing off.” Peter gasps dramatically.

“How could you slander the father of your unborn child like that?”

Pepper hums to herself, amused. “With ease, actually.”

“Tony would be so disappointed if he were to walk out right now. What do you have to say for yourself, Miss Potts?” She tugs playfully at Peter's ear.

“The bag was half eaten when I snatched it from my secret stash. Who do you think got there before I did, Peter? You've run a tight ship since we brought baby on board but you've got a mutiny on your hands. Our little dictator.” 

“And now you slander _my_ name!” He tosses his arms up in the air, defeated as he steps further away from her. Pepper watches him in amusement while she continues to snack.

“This,” she begins, waving her hand in one sweeping circle, as if to encompass all of him. “This is definitely pre-Tony. It's a little off brand from Tony's usual theatrics. His _attitude._ ”

“You're deflecting,” Peter huffs. That _flare_ for drama. 

“No,” Pepper says with a grin. “I'm eating.”

“No- Stop that. You're done here,” he pushes between her and the counter. “This is bad for the baby.” 

“Mmm, when did you become an expert neonatal nutritionist?”

“Last night,” he says absently. “Now put down the Oreos and step away from the counter.” 

Pepper puts her hands up in surrender and backs away slowly, watching with an amused grin as Peter puts everything back in order, eyeing the way he avoids the snack stash they _both_ know is under the sink behind the trash bags and dish soap. She knows about his too, but tonight they'll both let it go. When the kid finally comes to a stop in front of her, dropping a snack pack of pre-packaged celery and ranch onto the counter, she raises an eyebrow in thinly veiled judgement.

“You first,” she dips her head towards the snack. Peter scrunches his nose in disgust, considering the situation but ultimately complying. He pulls one of the sticks from the package and gingerly dips it into the ranch. The expression he makes- The way his eye twitches when he takes the first bite, makes it hard for Pepper to keep her composure, to smother the laughter. When he finally finishes and let's his gaze flicker expectantly between Pepper and the rest of the snack she stands up straighter and schools her expression. 

Pepper clears her throat, all false innocence, and says, “I can't eat that, Peter. Your hands have been all over it. The germs are bad for the baby. Sorry, sweetheart.” Before breezing past him she leans over and presses a kiss to his forehead and Peter can feel her _smug grin_ as she does it. “Goodnight, Pete. Go back to bed.”

The mom to be sounds so _pleased_ with herself, as if she’s some sort of chess master who’s just dominated her competitor and _jesus christ._ She is though, isn’t she? Pepper has played him like a _fiddle_ without him even realizing it. Not only has she distracted him long enough for her to finish what she came for... she's also tricked him into eating a _healthy snack_. Pepper is too powerful and must be stopped. 

"Devil woman," Peter mutters, a stage whisper.

Pepper's laughter echoes through the kitchen as she flicks the light off and waddles back off to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments encouraged!  
> Follow me on Tumblr @coconutknightshade and drop me a prompt! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments encouraged!  
> Follow me on Tumblr @coconutknightshade and drop me a prompt! <3


End file.
